When You Feel Stuck…

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Several years ago, when our kids were little, we paused to take pictures at an outside platform. We were in the World Showcase at EPCOT, looking across the lake towards Spaceship Earth. Eli was just a toddler at the time (and all boy!). I leaned down to fix Abby’s shoe, when all of the sudden, I heard screaming, and Sarah squealed, “Momma, come help! Eli’s stuck!” 

Somehow our little guy had squeezed his head through the opening in the bars and was unable to pull it back out. So there he stood, half of him on one side of the gate and half of him on the other, unable to move in any direction. 

Eventually, we were able to calm him down, and when he scooted a little lower, his head finally slid out. He was instantly off on another adventure as if nothing had ever happened. Like I said, all boy!

Friend, do you ever find yourself feeling stuck?

Maybe you set some goals and start moving forward, only to get part way in and find yourself caught between where you just were and where you are going. It paralyzes you, stopping your momentum and freezing you in your tracks. It can be scary at times, annoying at others, but it’s never fun.

We are nine weeks into the New Year, and I’ve had so many people express lately how they are feeling stuck. Our kids are struggling to stay motivated in school— third quarter is always when they wrestle most. The weather has been yucky, which can definitely affect our mood, as well as our desire to exercise… and if you’re me, to want to eat a lot of chocolate! And now that it’s becoming warmer outside, I am even less motivated, because I just want to enjoy it and not do anything else! Can you relate?

I want to be honest with you… I have also started feeling unmotivated in this “transformation” journey. I am getting impatient with slow progress and irritated with small steps. At the same time, the journey ahead seems overwhelming. 

My house is still overflowing with clutter, my marriage is still imperfect, my new website is still under construction, and my children still wrestle with character issues (go figure). And for some reason, everyone in this house still wants clean clothes and dinner every night! Where’s the chocolate?!

I find myself like little Eli, part in and part out, frozen in place, desperately needing someone to help me.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What do you do when you feel stuck? How do you get yourself out of that place and moving in the right direction? Where do you find your motivation?

I’ve been thinking about that story with Eli, wondering if there are some tips to be gleaned that might help us get unstuck. Here’s how it went down: 

  • First, we had him take a breath and calm down. Yes, he was stuck, but he wasn’t going to be stuck forever. Perspective is a wonderful thing! 
  • Next, we took assessment of the situation. How did he get there? What was the best way to get him out? Could we get him out on our own or would we need help?
  • Finally, we came up with a plan. We realized he could get out the same way he went in; he just needed to retrace his steps. 

I wonder if we can use those same steps to help us get unstuck?

  • Breathe and get perspective.
  • Take assessment of the situation.
  • Make a plan and do it.

The weather has been so nice here the past week, and I have been able to go for a walk every day. I have learned that this, along with my prayer time, is how I breathe. Something about walking or hiking outside in nature opens my soul and enables me to take a breath. Making this a priority has helped me not feel so overwhelmed by all the things I’m not doing but feel like I need to be doing. It has slowed my mind down enough to remember that I am not going to be stuck forever. I can, in fact, move forward again if I will take the time to get unstuck first. 

And a crazy thing happened— as I began to take assessment of where I started and where I am now, I realized that I have actually made more progress than I thought! I have a really bad tendency to focus on what I’m not doing instead of what I have accomplished. Anyone else relate to that?

When I look at my house, all I see is the piles of clutter, the still-not-decorated basement, the never-ending laundry, and the long list of tasks in need of attention. When I look at my writing projects, I get discouraged at how little I have accomplished compared to what I hoped to have done by now. I notice how Jeff still has to fight for my attention when the kids are around and how we went two weeks without a date, even after I put together “date cards” to make it easier for us to prioritize it! My list of failures just keeps growing.

But I forget  to notice how many “small spaces” I have managed to clean out since January, not to mention the fact that my closet is STILL clean and organized (woo hoo!). I forget to give myself credit for starting two new writing projects and posting weekly on my blog, even when life got crazy or I had no idea what to write. Also, when I didn’t keep up with my writing goals, it was because I was prioritizing my family or connecting with a friend, which simply means I am doing what matters most… which is also one of my goals for this year! 

And it’s true, our marriage is hardly Instagram-worthy (is there really such a thing?), but Jeff and I have gone on a few breakfast dates, which seems to be working better for us right now. He also mentioned several deep conversations we’ve shared over the past month or two, and we both agreed we feel much more connected. It’s hard to measure that kind of progress, but it is progress nonetheless, and it shouldn’t be discounted.

After taking assessment, I realized… I may not be quite as stuck as I thought I was! My progress is just slow and spread out, not clumped all together in a way I can see it and feel accomplished. Instead of actually being stuck, maybe I just feel stuck. There’s a big difference!

So, my plan is just to keep working the plan. Keep praying first, doing what matters most, and reminding myself that less is better. Keep taking tiny steps in the right direction and trusting they will eventually lead me where God wants me to go. 

Keep fixing my eyes on Jesus and forgiving myself when I fail, which is often. And keep offering myself as “a living sacrifice,” allowing God to renew my mind and change how I think— even about myself and my progress (see Romans 12:1-2).

Friend, where are you stuck right now? Perhaps these tips can help you see yourself and your situation from God’s perspective and enable you to move forward. Let me encourage you to trust the small steps, even when it doesn’t feel like you’re getting anywhere fast. In the words of the tortoise, “Slow and steady wins the race!”

“God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete…” (Philippians 1:6, CEV)

If this helps you or if you have other tips for getting unstuck, I’d love to hear them!

6 Scripture Verses for Heart Transformation

Have you ever read something in the Bible you may have read before, but suddenly something about it strikes you in a completely different way? You read it again, wondering how you ever could have missed it. 

Because this time it changes you. It makes you different. 

You can never read those verses the same again.

The story of Jesus feeding the five thousand found in John 6:1-15 is one of those passages for me.  I was familiar with the story, had read it more than once, and heard it preached on countless times. However, one night at a college Bible study, this one tiny verse stuck right in the middle of the passage jumped out at me for the first time ever. Jesus asks the disciples how they are going to feed all those people, and suddenly Andrew speaks up. In verse 9, he says, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

Normally, I jumped ahead to the miracle—how Jesus was able to feed all those people with that tiny amount of food. But this time, for the first time, I noticed the boy

That little boy must have overheard Jesus and his buddies talking about their dilemma. He may have looked around, wondering why the adults weren’t helping, or glanced towards town where the fishermen usually brought their daily catch. All we know, though, is that while the disciples complained and argued about their impossible situation, this little boy had the courage to offer a solution. 

Was he afraid to approach Jesus? Did he wonder if it was enough?

The Bible doesn’t say. It simply tells us that the little boy walked up and offered all he had to Jesus. And Jesus, likely giving him a wink and a secret smile, took that tiny offering and turned it into a miracle. Without the lunch, there would be no miracle. Without the boy, there would be no lunch. 

“Without the lunch, there would be no miracle.

Without the boy, there would be no lunch. “

What was it that made me suddenly notice the boy? Perhaps I noticed because I felt like him—small, unnoticeable, lost in the crowd, with not much to offer, but a great desire to help. I was about to graduate from college. All my plans had changed with a broken engagement (you can read a little more about that here), and I had accepted a job into full-time student ministry, for which I felt unqualified and ill-equipped.

Who was I to lead people to Jesus? What could I offer that was worth anything compared to those around me? I felt like a little kid in a grown-up’s world, and I wasn’t sure I had anything to offer that mattered.

But I loved Jesus. And there was nothing I wouldn’t give Him, nothing I wouldn’t do for Him, no matter how silly or insignificant it seemed.

So I noticed the little boy because he was me.

That little phrase stuck in the middle of the miracle was the Father’s way of whispering to me that my gifts, no matter how small or insignificant, mattered. He cared less about my ability and more about my availability. The boy didn’t make the miracle happen, Jesus did! But He did it with the little boy’s lunch. The offering makes all the difference.

That one little verse transformed the way I think about my gifts. I’ll be honest; even after all these years, what I have to offer still seems small and inconsequential. Even writing this blog post, I catch myself wondering who will want to read it and how it can possibly help anyone. But then I remind myself of the little boy who bravely brought his lunch to Jesus, trusting Him to do something worthwhile with it. I remind myself that the value lies not in the gift but in the giving. So I offer, and then I wait to see what God will do. (If you want to read more on the little boy, check out this blog post from Paul David Tripp: https://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/dont-forget-about-the-boy)

As I lean into the idea of “transformation” this year, I am confident that it begins with Scripture. 

Nothing transforms our hearts like the Word of God. 

It changes the way we think, what we value, how we respond. So I want to share a few verses I am praying that help open my heart to whatever God wants to do in me, in the hope that they will help you, too.

6 Verses for Heart Transformation

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (NIV)

Ezekial 36:26

 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (NIV)

Psalm 51:10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God.
    Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
    and don’t take your Holy Spirit[
a] from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and make me willing to obey you. (NLT)

2 Timothy 3:16

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. (NLT)

Ephesians 4:22-24

You were taught to leave your old self—to stop living the evil way you lived before. That old self becomes worse, because people are fooled by the evil things they want to do. 23 But you were taught to be made new in your hearts, 24 to become a new person. That new person is made to be like God—made to be truly good and holy. (NCV)

James 1:22-25

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. (NIV)

There are plenty more where these came from, and I will share more throughout the coming year, but this is a good place to start. 

Are there verses God is using to shape your heart to be more like Him? I’d love to hear them!

Transformation Update: Marriage Edition (Part 2)- How to Start Transforming Your Marriage

I have to be honest with y’all. I have written and rewritten this blog post multiple times trying to get it right. I can’t remember the last time I had such a hard time writing something! Why has it been so difficult?

I guess when it comes down to it it’s because I don’t feel qualified to write about marriage. 

Sure, Jeff and I have been married almost 25 years. We have a pretty great marriage, and we have even counseled many couples who are either just starting out or struggling. But mostly we just share truths we have learned along the way, most of them the hard way. That hardly makes me an expert!

In reality, though, there is no magic formula. There are no 7 steps to a fabulous marriage, no checklist to greatness, no one-size-fits-all solution for your marriage woes.

So what’s the secret, then? Honestly, I have no idea!

All I know is it has taken us a lot of prayer, grace, and intentionality to keep it all together. 

So, I guess that’s where we’ll start…

Transformation Update: How to Start Transforming Your Marriage 

As I have prayed over our marriage this past month, God has already begun transforming the way I think. There are so many ways my thoughts about marriage have mirrored our culture without me even realizing it. I hope sharing some of these revelations will encourage you to consider your own thought patterns and actions. In keeping with my previous posts on transformation, we’ll use the Four R’s as tools to help us move forward in this process.

REVIEW:

Just like when cleaning out a closet, it’s important to take assessment of our thoughts and feelings so we can figure out what is cluttering our hearts. That helps us determine where to start. If you answered the questions in my last post, you already have a head start on this part of the process. If not, this is a great time to start! You can find them HERE.

Positives:

For me, I began by thinking through all the things I love about Jeff and our marriage. I love that we laugh so much together, and that we have built a culture of joy and laughter into our family. I love that he is so committed to providing well for our family without compromising his involvement as a dad. I love that we both value Jesus above all else and strive to walk with Him daily, modeling a living faith and investing it in our children’s hearts. And I love that every once in awhile, usually when life is most crazy and I’m beside myself with the chaos, he still looks at me like I’m the only one in the room.

What is it that you love about your spouse and about your marriage? What are the “cornerstone pieces” of your marriage that you want to build everything else around? (Some of you may have to dig around a little or even go back to when you were first married. But if you try hard enough, you can find something!)

Challenges:

This is likely the easy part for most of us. This is what we gripe about to our friends or complain about to our kids. These are the things that bother us, the things we wish we could change (usually about our partner).

But remember, transformation never starts with someone else, only us!

So as I prayed about the challenging parts of our marriage, I asked the Lord to show me where I was at fault—how I have been conforming to the patterns of the world— and what I need to do differently. (Be careful with prayers like this, friends~ He always answers!) Much to my dismay, He revealed plenty, but most of it falls into two categories:

1. Wrong Attitudes

It’s so easy to focus on how someone else is not meeting your needs without recognizing or admitting how you are not meeting theirs. The world is quick to have us declare our “rights” and place blame on others, but marriage is about choosing to love selflessly and putting our spouse’s needs above our own. Let’s just say I have some work to do in this area!

2. Wrong Priority

If you ask what is most important to me, I would list my priorities without hesitation— God, Jeff, our kids, then everything else. Unfortunately, my actions would tell you differently!

Our culture equates being “busy” with being successful. And as a mom, my natural instinct is to put my kids before myself. As a result, my days are quickly consumed with activities and meals and schoolwork and volunteering, and before I know it, my sweet husband has been completely squeezed out. 

The greatest struggle Jeff and I face in our marriage is what we call, “Roommate Syndrome.” This is when we allow the craziness of life to pull us in different directions until we are basically just functioning as “roommates”—passing each other in the hallway, leaving notes on the fridge, occasionally meeting to co-parent, but not really connecting at all

At its core, this is an issue of prioritizing the wrong thing. Seriously, what matters more than our marriage? 

Friends, do you struggle with this, too? How is your attitude? Are you prioritizing the wrong things?

REMOVE:

Once we have an idea of where to start, the next step is to get rid of the things that are hindering us. (Hebrews 12:1) 

For me, this involves a few different areas. 

First, I am trying to be intentional about releasing my frustrations and expectations, as well as my “rights.” I need to stop focusing on what I want Jeff to do differently, so I can instead focus on myself and what I can do differently. (This addresses my wrong attitudes.)

Let’s be honest—this way of thinking directly contradicts the how the world tells us to respond. And I believe this is an area that is so easy for Satan to get a foothold into our marriages! But regardless of what the world tells us, we cannot control anyone else; we can only control ourselves. I have been married long enough to know my own actions often initiate a cycle of disharmony. The good news is this means changing my actions can also break the cycle and create a better one! Releasing negative thought patterns makes room for positive thoughts to fill their place.

After that, I need to address my wrong priorities. One way I am doing this is by clearing my schedule and eliminating some of my volunteer activities in order to give me more time at home. The pandemic has made this easier than it would have been otherwise, for sure! I also need to look at how I’m spending my free time, so I can remove (or at least reduce) activities that occupy time and energy which can be better invested. (Yeah, still working on this one…sigh.)

What is hindering you from having the kind of marriage you desire? What do you need to remove, reduce, or eliminate in order to make room for positive changes?

REORDER:

So, a crazy thing happened. Once I started getting rid of some of these things that have been hindering me, I noticed I wasn’t automatically investing that time and energy into my marriage. 

What? 

You mean I have to be intentional about making marriage my top priority? (Yeah, remember that part about marriage being hard work? Here it is!)

Friends, it’s a fact that we spend time and resources on what we love most. Lee Iacocca said, “If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got.” Once we eliminate the distractions and negative thoughts, we must choose to fill those spaces with what matters most.

Now, this is highly unromantic, but for me that means actually scheduling time in my planner for me to spend talking with Jeff.  With four kids and a dog, it is almost impossible for us to have an uninterrupted conversation when everyone is home. For the first time ever, we have a few days a week when all our children are out of the house at the same time (except when COVID interferes, but whatever). That time without children is extremely productive for us individually, but BECAUSE our marriage is so important, we are choosing to set aside the first hour or two on those mornings to just talk with each other. 

Full disclosure: I am embarrassed to admit that if I don’t actually plan to spend that time with Jeff, it can feel like a waste of time for me when it happens because I feel like I need to be doing other things (I know, I know. Give me some grace!). Writing “Jeff time” into my planner reminds me that it is the most important way I can spend that time and frees me to be fully present

How can you be more intentional about making time for what you love? What resources can you redirect towards investing in your marriage?

RENEW:

I was listening to a great podcast this week on marriage, and heard this statement: “If you don’t like what you’re harvesting, sow different seed!” This is the part where we purposefully add in new things that will help us move towards God’s design for our marriage. This might look like:

  • Resources: books, podcasts, etc. to help us grow in our relationship. Here are a few that I love: Rhythms for Life~Saving Your Marriage: Carey & Toni Nieuwhof, Two as One: Connecting Daily with Christ and Your Spouse, and this list has several that I have read and recommend— 20 Best Christian Books on Marriage.
  • Write down three things every day that you love about your spouse, things you are grateful for or appreciate. Even if it seems little or insignificant, write it down. 
  • Praying together. It’s cheesy, but true~ “The couple who prays together, stays together.” This adds another dimension of intimacy to your marriage that can’t be reached any other way.
  • Be intentional about spending time together, both quantity AND quality. COVID has given many of us more time together than we know what to do with! However, I have found this has actually made it more difficult for many of us to have QUALITY time together. So that’s something I am working on adding back in. (Also, sex fits in this category… and the next one! Just saying!)
  • HAVE FUN! Mundaneness can kill a marriage slowly over time. Try new things together! Research shows that sharing new experiences is one of the best ways to bond, particularly things that are out of our comfort zone. Have fun together… it might just remind you why you got married in the first place!

What is missing from your marriage? What can you add that God can use to transform your marriage into more of what He designed it to be?

I have already seen a difference in our marriage by implementing some of this, and I look forward to seeing where God wants to take us. Thanks for taking this journey with me! I’d love to hear how God is transforming you through this process!  

Feel free to comment below or message me on social media. You can find me on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/kellyheathblogger) and Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/kel_kelheath/).

*Note: I know that some of you reading this are likely struggling with much deeper issues in your marriage. If you are in an abusive or dangerous situation, please prioritize your safety and seek help! If your marriage is not unsafe but is extremely difficult and you are losing hope, please prioritize counseling. It takes two people to make a relationship work. Sometimes you can do all the right things and it won’t be enough on your own (but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try!). A good Christian counselor can help you journey through this process and discern how God wants you to move forward.

Transformation: A Different Way of Thinking

I am sitting in our host’s gorgeously furnished basement, surrounded by strangers. Jeff is talking to the nice middle-aged lady next to us, making her laugh about something random. There’s a spread of food on the tables behind us. I know I should probably be impressed by the professional sauna and enormous wine cellar next to the bathroom, but I have never really been one for fancy things. I am, however, second-guessing my decision to wear jeans!

My friend, Cindy, moves to the front of the room, and the crowd hushes. She begins to speak, sharing the story of how she first fell in love with the children of Swaziland. She tells us about her initial trip; of the people she met, the poverty she saw, and the myriad of emotions swirling inside her. On the screen behind her are photos of smiling women in colorful clothing weaving grass mats . There are beautiful, brown-skinned children with no shoes and dirt-smudged faces. Cindy tells us how her heart broke as she left that country, and how she struggled with the abundance surrounding her when she returned home. 

“I remember asking God, ‘What do you want me to do? How can I help? Am I like the rich young ruler who must give up everything he owns in order to follow You?’”  With tears in her eyes, she continued. “And as I looked around my living room, God whispered, ‘No. But what if you simply give me your excess…”

Cindy and her husband, Jared, already honored God with their every day life. The Lord didn’t need them to give everything away; He just wanted them to consider giving away what they didn’t actually need

Their excess.

That event was almost ten years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. My friend’s words have echoed in my heart ever since. What is my excess? How do I determine the difference between what I need and what I want?  Where is the line between enough and excess? I have continued to ask myself those questions in the years since that day.

What Cindy was talking about was a different way of thinking. God was “renewing her mind” by changing her thoughts about what she needed, what she valued, and what she could give.

If you follow my blog, you know my “word” for 2021 is transform. Along with that, I am using Romans 12:1-2 to guide me through whatever areas God chooses to focus on.  I often think of Cindy when I read these verses. Of all my friends, she is certainly one who offers herself wholeheartedly as a “living sacrifice” for God’s glory. 

Her compassion and heart for justice are evident in everything she does. She refuses to “conform to the patterns of this world,” and thinks so differently than our current culture. But most of all, she seeks to know and do the will of God by constantly allowing Him to renew her mind through His Holy Spirit and His Word. As a result, He has not only transformed Cindy’s life, but the lives of countless others. 

************

What does it look like when we allow God to “renew our mind?” What does that even mean? Basically, it’s just a fancy way of saying we should let God determine how we think instead of depending on our own thoughts or the opinions of others. 

As I have been praying through the different areas I mentioned in my last blog post, I keep wondering why it is that some things are easy for me to keep ordered, while other areas of my life are prime pickings for a show like “Hoarders.” Why do my priorities get so out of whack? What is it that keeps me from being consistent?

After some introspection, I’ve decided a determining factor is excess.  

(Sound familiar?)

Too much of a good thing is actually not so good. Too much of a bad thing is even worse! Just think about it—

  • Too much sugar leads to weight gain and all kinds of other health problems.
  • Too much alcohol can destroy not just your liver, but your entire life. 
  • Too much “stuff” leads to untamable clutter. 
  • Too many activities in your schedule (even if they are good things) lead to an overwhelmed soul. 
  • Too much fear leads to anxiety. 
  • Too much social media leads to FOMO, isolation, and self-preoccupation. 
  • Too much focus on your children can lead to neglecting your spouse. 
  • Too much time with friends can interfere with your work/school/family life.
  • Too many voices lead to indecision and confusion.

It all gets to be too much after awhile!

The common factor in all these examples is excess. It’s simply too much! And as I look at the different areas of my life, I must admit that much of what I wrestle with is a result of drowning in excess. Too much stuff, too many choices, too many activities, too many distractions. 

So it leaves me asking, what if I give God my excess?

I heard a teaching recently by Greg McKeown on doing only the essential. I enjoyed it so much, I promptly bought his book, Essentialism (which is currently in my January book stack). Much of what he writes has helped clarify the way God wants me to think differently for the purpose of transformation. While there are many avenues through which He can renew our mind, these are the three main ideas God continues to impress upon my heart right now.

3 ways God is renewing my thinking for the purpose of transformation

1.  Less, but better

“… let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

In our over-achieving, super-sized culture, God is whispering, “Less, but better.” 

Do less. Spend less. Commit to less. Speak less…. but be more intentional about everything! Make what you do, what you buy, what you say, and what you commit to actually mean something. Get rid of clutter, indulgence, obligations, and distractions, so you can make the most of what really matters. Which leads me to the next thought…

2. Do what matters most

“Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Cor. 10:23)

One of the greatest lies of our culture is, “You can have it all!” The truth is, we may be able to do it all, but we can’t do it all well Our time, energy, and resources are finite. We cannot give 100 percent to our work, and our family, and our hobbies, and our friends, and our health, and our obligations, and God. We only have 100 percent to give, and like it or not, it must be divided between “all the things.” Something will suffer, no matter what the world tells us.

Which means we have to choose what matters most (and what doesn’t)…or let someone else choose for us.

While the world is yelling, “You can do it all!” God is whispering to me, “Do what matters most.” When I look back on my life in ten, twenty, fifty years, what is really going to matter? What will I regret? Changing the way I think about this will help me intentionally invest in what matters most.

3. Pray first

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)

You and I are completely surrounded by noise. The world around us is filled with voices shouting their opinions of who we are, what we should believe, what we should do, and how we should do it. Everyone has an opinion, and they are more than happy to share it!

But there is only One whose opinion really matters. When I am trying to discern the line between enough and excess, or what is hindering me, or what truly matters most, He is the only One qualified to answer. The author of my story is the only one who should determine my steps. 

But this requires stepping away from the noise and intentionally sitting at His feet. Consistently. Repeatedly. Purposefully. Before doing anything else. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when I might not like the answer. Even when I think I already know what I need. Seeking His voice above the world, above my own even, is an act of worship, a way to acknowledge His lordship and authority in my life. 

If I truly long for transformation, I must surrender to the only One who has the power to transform me. I must think in terms of “less, but better.” I must choose to do what matters most. And above all, I must pray first.

Friends, this is my next step in allowing God to transform me in 2021— developing a different way of thinking. How is He changing the way you think?

**************

Now, to finish my story…

In case you were wondering, Cindy and Jared chose to give God their “excess,” and they went on to found the non-profit foundation, All 4 Jesus. “It’s mission is to bring the Good News of Jesus Christ to the lost, the hurting, the hungry, and orphaned.” Their heart for surrender continues to inspire other families (including ours) to think differently about how they can use their excess time and resources to honor Jesus. You can find out more about their ministry at https://www.all4jesusfoundation.org.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” 

Romans 12:1-2, NIV, *emphasis added

Determining Areas of Your Life that Need Transforming

Y’all, I finally broke down and did it… 

I ordered a planner. 

You know, the paper and pen kind, with a monthly calendar, weekly schedule, and hourly time slots. This one even came with fancy stickers and pretty pens! I realize we are living in a digital world, and like many of you, I depend on iCal to keep our family calendar straight. But I am tired of the random To-do lists and sticky note reminders scattered all over the place! I need it all in one place so I can see the whole picture. 

While I am a creative at heart, I tend to work best in a structured environment. Jeff has always been the visionary in our family; I am the details girl. I seriously get excited about bringing order to chaos! (But you wouldn’t know that if you peeked in my closet… Shhhh!)

See, I am super organized in many ways, but completely unorganized in others. I have been pondering this lately, through the lens of my word for the year: “transform.” Immediately, there were areas that sprang to mind that need some transformation— my closet, for example! And my bathroom cabinets. And my linen closet… 

Apparently, clutter is my friend—you know, the kind that shows up unannounced on your doorstep and sticks around several months (or years) longer than expected!

So, that was easy. My physical spaces definitely need some work. And there are other areas that need to change as well, such as my lack of an exercise plan and the way I manage my time. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I need A LOT of work! Maybe God knew what He was doing after all when He chose that word for me. Ha!

As I have begun asking Him to transform me this year, He has been revealing various areas that need to look different. And they don’t just need a facelift—they need to be changed from the inside out. Your areas of struggle may be different from mine, and that’s okay! But I would venture to guess you can relate to at least a few of these. 

So, being the structure-loving person I am, I made a list of “transformation topics” I am praying about and working through this year. I have added a few topics that are not currently trouble areas for me, but might be helpful to consider.

Possible Areas for Transformation

  • Home/living spaces
  • Health & fitness
  • Marriage/Relationships
  • Family/parenting
  • Friendships/social life
  • Job/career
  • Finances
  • Time Management
  • Dreams/Goals
  • Priorities
  • Hobbies/volunteer time
  • Technology use
  • Spiritual/Prayer life
  • Mental/emotional health

When I considered each of these areas, I found myself returning again to the verses that go along with my word for 2021:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2, NIV)

These are some of the questions I have been asking:

1. Can my actions and attitudes in this area be considered “holy and pleasing to God?”

2. Do I approach this area selfishly (what I want) or sacrificially (what can I give)?

3. Are my thoughts, actions, or opinions in this area being shaped by “the patterns of this world” or by the Word of God?

4. God, how do you want to change the way I think and act in this area so I can be a better reflection of You? (Your grace, love, mercy, forgiveness, holiness, integrity, gentleness, truth, etc.)

If you are joining me on this journey of transformation in 2021, set aside some time in the next few days to think through these different areas and ask yourself these questions. Like me, you might be surprised to find you need a little more transforming than you expected! 

Upon reflection, I have realized I am drowning in clutter and need to drastically transform my “stuff.” I have been settling for good enough health, but I am ready for it to be better. I am grateful for a good marriage, but I desire it to be exceptional! I could keep going, but you get the point.

And the best part is that God is the One who does the transforming! I just have to make myself available and be obedient to whatever He reveals. Easier said than done, for sure, but certainly not as hard as trying to do it all myself. 

The next step is letting Him “renew my mind…” whatever that means, right?! Stay posted for more on that next time!

And somehow, I imagine it will all be easier now that I have my new planner! Ha ha!

4 Tools for Transforming Your Life in the New Year

Ah, the sound of silence. 

Our family just finished a much-needed transformation of our basement. Several months ago during a major downpour, water somehow seeped inside, ruining the carpet in Jeff’s office and causing minor water damage around the baseboards. 

While it was inconvenient, it wasn’t devastating. But it was enough of a disruption that it gave us an opportunity to make a change we’ve been talking about for awhile. Instead of just fixing his office, we ripped up all the carpet and had LVT wood flooring installed. 

Then last week, we had painters come in. Our basement walls were magnificent shades of (wait for it!) burnt orange, navy blue, and forest green, complimented by a lovely greenish-gold color on the cabinets.

 I know, I know… it really was too breathtaking for words. As much as we loved hated to see it go, it was definitely time!

A week (and several texts to my design-gifted friend) later, our basement looks like a totally different space! New flooring and a few coats of paint have totally transformed it into a beautiful haven. Jeff’s office looks clean and professional, clear of all the clutter and ready for him to work. All we need now are a few rugs and pillows, and the basement transformation will be complete!

Something about the New Year causes many of us to consider making changes. We all have things we’d like to transform— our bodies, our time, our closets. New beginnings seem like a good time to let go of the old and welcome the new. That’s why resolutions and challenges are so trendy during this time of year!

One way that people create focus for their changes in the New Year is to choose a “Word of the Year.” 

I did not initially jump into this trend; however, last year a word kind of chose me (you can read about that here). Having a specific direction in which to focus my heart and mind throughout 2020 was so helpful to me that I began praying in early December for a new word to guide me through 2021. 

There are so many good words out there: 

  • Encourage
  • Brave
  • Abundance
  • Grateful
  • Hope
  • Joy
  • Dream
  • Kindness
  • Persevere

(I could go on, and I’m sure there are plenty of words you could add to the list, too.)

So imagine my surprise when the word God gave me was…

TRANSFORM.

Wait, what??

Transform? 

How do you even use that as a “word”? It sounds like… I don’t know… work! Can’t I have a FUN word? Sheesh.

It first surfaced through a “Word of the Year” quiz, which I took primarily because I was curious about the questions it would ask. When my word came up as “transform,” I’ll be honest—I laughed and ignored it. But then, a few minutes later I was listening to a sermon by a good friend that just happened to be all about transformation. He preached on Romans 12:1-2 and the importance of allowing the Holy Spirit to transform us by renewing the way we think. 

Y’all, when I hear something more than once, I pay attention. 

When the word popped up several more times over the next few days, I knew the Lord was speaking.

So although my heart was initially resistant, I decided to EMBRACE (my 2020 word) this idea of transformation and began praying about how God might want to transform me in 2021.

The verses my friend preached on, Romans 12:1-2, have been some of my favorite verses since high school: 

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” (NIV)

I am using these verses in conjunction with my “word” to help guide me in the areas God may want to transform this year.

Y’all know I love Jesus. I have been a Jesus girl for over three decades now. There is not a single day I don’t wake up asking Him to use me for His glory! And yet… 

I get it wrong so much of the time. I am impatient and distracted and selfish. I have so many good intentions, but not enough follow through. I can tell you all the right things to do regarding your kids and your marriage and your family, but I rarely do them myself. 

In just two weeks of focusing on these verses, I have been convicted by how much of my life “conforms to the patterns of this world.” The way I often prioritize my kids over my marriage. The way I spend my time and money. The way I wrestle with God’s authority in my life, somehow thinking my way will be better. (Newsflash: it’s not!)

It is so tempting to measure our faithfulness by comparing ourselves to others. But God never asks us to be better than anyone else. He asks us to give ourselves to Him, to willingly sacrifice anything that might hinder our obedience. He asks us to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him. If we are willing to allow Him to change the way we think and align our priorities with His, He promises to transform us from the inside out.

That’s the kind of transformation I’m longing for in 2021.

Image from Raintree Community Church

TOOLS FOR TRANSFORMATION

There are many areas of my life that could stand to be transformed (we’ll talk about those in more detail in another blog post). As I have prayed about all that is involved in the process of transformation, I came up with four tools to use as a guide.

1. REVIEW

The first step in any transformation is to review where you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to go. We live in a results-oriented world, and it is so tempting to just jump on in and start working. But don’t skip this step! There is no use rushing if we don’t know where we are going. So I am making time to evaluate what is working in my life and what isn’t, where I’m strong and where I’m struggling, and where I most need God to do something new in my heart.

2. REMOVE

Most things require a process of removal in order to be transformed. Home transformations usually require de-cluttering, tearing out walls, ripping up old stained carpet, etc.  Healthy Eating Plans require removing foods that are harmful and addicting- sugar, fries, etc. Spiritual transformation requires removing habits and thought patterns that hinder us from following Jesus wholeheartedly. So I am asking God to reveal anything I need to remove in order for Him to transform me into His likeness.

3. RE-ORDER

Some things are transformed by simply rearranging/reordering what they already have. For some reason, this tool makes me think of “transformers,” those toys that start out as cars or airplanes, but then transform into really cool robots just by moving their parts around. The same thing happens in our lives. When we shift the right things into a different place or priority, it can lead to a completely different result. Sometimes I get so caught up in getting rid of old stuff or trying new stuff that I miss the opportunity to make better use of what I already have. Maybe my health or my prayer life or my marriage are lacking simply because I don’t have them prioritized correctly. A little rearranging can go a long way!

4. RENEW

Some things require rebuilding/renewing: adding something new in order to transform into something better. Fitness plans often involve adding in exercise, weight-lifting, or an element of consistency that wasn’t there previously. Home improvement projects often require adding in fresh colors and new furniture or décor. And in our spiritual lives, it is not enough to get rid of the old, ugly stuff; we must create new habits, new disciplines, and new ways of thinking. “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT)

In addition, almost all transformation requires outside intervention: a trainer, a counselor, a health coach, an accountability partner… and in this case, the Holy Spirit. I love that verse 12 uses the phrase be transformed.” That reminds me that, ultimately, God is the One who is doing the work. I don’t have to transform anything!

I simply need to offer myself to Him, continually, and then be obedient.

The rest is up to Jesus. 

Friend, do you have a word for the year or a verse that is directing your focus in 2021? If so, I’d love for you to share it in the comments!

And if not, why don’t you join me in allowing God to TRANSFORM you this year. I’ll be blogging my progress in different areas as I go, so feel free to follow along!