*Note: I wrote this many years ago when I first had the idea for a blog. I share it now as a glimpse into my life when I was feeling the tremendous responsibility of raising 4 little ones to somehow love the Lord, when in reality I was doing good just to find their shoes and wipe their noses…
Did You give me these 4 children just to leave me here, overwhelmed? I feel alone, bewildered, disorganized! I begged You for these children. I LOVE these children. And yet, I feel like I am drowning. The responsibility is so great and the stakes are so high. If I mess this up, well… I can’t mess this up, Lord. I can’t!! These are little people, who will one day be grown up people, making their way in the great big world.
Life livers. Love givers. World changers.
You have big plans for them. You are depending on them. Their character, their faith, their talents- somehow it all has to turn out just as You planned for them from the beginning. That’s a LOT of pressure for a parent!! And in the meantime, there is dinner to make, clothes to wash, laundry to fold, baths to give, school work, field trips…
The truth is, I’m dying here, Lord. Starving. Thirsty. Gasping for air. I need the plan, the curriculum, the format You want me to follow. I feel like every day I take one step forward and two steps back. I’m scared to let go, to quit pushing it all forward, to relax for a bit. Every second lost is lost forever, every opportunity missed will never be regained!
Help me, Lord!! I need you!!
Manna??… What is that?
What do you mean it’s enough? It’s small and simple and short-lived.
I can only gather enough for today? Seriously?? That’s not enough! I need more! What if something happens? What if I need it and there isn’t any?
Trust you? Seriously?? But…
Yes. You are trustworthy; I know this to be true. I really do want to trust You, Lord. I choose to trust You! It is refreshing to not have to be responsible for the future for a change. It’s so nice to not have to wonder each day if I will have the right answers or do everything right, but to know instead that You will provide exactly what I need- no more, no less, just enough.
Enough.. YOU are enough.
Today, I have enough.
Thank You, Lord, for this manna.